Thursday, May 23, 2013

Wish, wishes came true !!!

"Oops, Where did I keep em' ? " I was searching for my red ribbons to tie it to my plait. 

"Mom, I had kept them in the drawer yesterday after school", I explained to my mother who by now had got irritated on me for misplacing stuff.

"You are in the 10th std, and you still don't know to be organized", My mom yelled and did a final search in my cupboard. She finally found it. 

10th std was really awful for a kid who is 14 years old. It was where my future lied and I had to study well. I packed my bag and put on my badge.  It had, “HEAD GIRL” printed on it with my name below it in bold. It was a dream to shoulder this responsibility and I knew I had to be my best on duty.

The early morning bicycle ride was actually a self-imposed competition which I took everyday. Ten minutes was the time I would give myself to ride to school.

The cycles had to be parked in the cycle stand which was near the sister’s convent. Our school had an exquisite architecture and lush green trees. The cycle stand had an adjoin pathway which had tree surrounding it on both sides. To the right was a huge ground where we had our school functions and sports events and to the left was the convent.

The pathway took us directly to a huge statue of Jesus with open arms (welcoming us J) with black marbles supporting it below. It was a practice that Ankita, Priyanka, Sheba and myself did it everyday. We would stand before this place in the morning pray and write the name of our group (CAPS) on the black marble every morning.

My bag was pretty heavy with my books and I adjusted it around my shoulders. Time was up and the bell for the morning assembly rang.

It was the 5th of  September, Dr. Radhakrishnan’s birthday and more importantly Teacher’s day. This day was held significance in the life of every teacher. And every student played a vital role in making this day a memorable one. This was going to be my last year in school and I was hell bent in giving in my best on this day.

 I was standing backstage to check if all the participants for the function were ready. The narrator, the singers, the actors, the dancers, competitors etc…School was the only place we would get to see so many talents simultaneously.

The function started and the students who were getting ready for the dance were busy getting dressed in the classrooms on the ground floor. Since, it was a grand event we had decorated the auditorium for it. The auditorium was adjacent to the building where our classrooms were situated. I ran to the ground floor to check if the dancers were ready and asked the house captains to check on the the remaining list of events for the day.

The show ended with the vote of thanks by our principal. I had lunch near the main stage on the ground. That was where our group always had and we wouldn't let anyone sit in that place. The day was over and I walked out of school waving my friend’s good-bye.

I was happy that the function went on well. It was 9.30 PM and I was in my bed almost trying to sleep when I remembered about the Science exam the next day in school. It had been such a long day and I had totally forgotten about the exam. I got up and rushed to pull the book from my bag.

“Science…. Science….. Oh gosh…. I had given it Ankita the other day !!!! What Do I do now…. Mammaaaa…….”

“Cynthia, What’s wrong with you? Why are you battling and screaming in your sleep?” It was my mother’s voice.

I got up from bed and took time to realize that it was actually my dream. The time machine had swirled backwards and I had dreamt about the golden era of my life, my school !!!

Sipping my morning coffee, I was happy that time has changed and I do not have to write exams now.

But, wait a minute I do have to give interviews and prepare for office presentations. The only difference is that, I do not have ever forgiving teachers who would give me another chance.

I do not have companions with whom I would have a group study, but I do have group discussions now which turn out to be quite evasive at time.

I do not have cultural functions and programs, but I do have meetings and discussions.
Life has changed and so have we. School is over and all we have with us are the memories and the lessons learnt. The best we can give back to our school is by doing our duty well. No matter which corner of the world we are in, we will always be remembered as students of our school.

If any point in life we meet our teachers we mustn't turn our face thinking, “Oh my god she hated me in school, I am sure she does even now !!” 

Our teachers may have been strict but we fail to realize that it was for our good. The lessons we learnt from our textbooks will be enough to get into a good college, to get a good degree, to get a good job and have a lavish life. But the lessons learnt in school on discipline, self-respect, self –esteem, dignity of labour are the ones that will make us a good human being, a good son, daughter and a good father, mother.

I only wish my early morning’s dream ever comes true. I just wish I could go back to school one day and live it with the same companions once again. Well, Don’t you all also wish the same ?  

Classrooms, Recess bells, Competitions,Exams,
Uniforms, Ties, Socks, Tiffin boxes,
Teachers, Homework, Books, Bottles,
Put together and my school revamped.

My first fancy dress,debate and quiz,
My first crush,friend and foe,
Put together and my school revamped.

Wish, I could go back to school,
Wish, wishes came true!!!

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Mom, I still love you !! - Part 2

The windows were filled with droplets of water; the fresh water had touched the earth which was yearning with thirst. Jenny stood at the window watching the rain and a few kids playing at the backyard.  Her eyes were dull and swollen and her face was serene.  She held the letter that Rajeev had written to her in one hand and held his photo in the other.

Wherever she turned to, she could see him, his care, his warmth, his affection, his presence. But alas it was all her reverie.   She held his photo close to her chest and hugged it tightly, trying to tell the world that she had held him back and he was still alive.

“How am I going to live without you, Rajeev?” she tried to question him knowing that he would never answer. She kept making designs on the windows with her fingers because of the moist that was left behind on them.

Lost in her thoughts, she barely heard the footsteps that were approaching her room.

“Mom…..” Jenny woke up hearing a loud and familiar voice.

“Mom… open the door….” Sarah banged the door of the room Jenny was in.
Impatiently, she kept knocking it hard.

“Give me a second, Sarah, I am coming”, Jenny replied rushing to open the door.
“What’s the matter, Sarah?....” She went on to question Sarah.

Sarah raised her hand and showing her the palm tried to ask her to stop talking.

She held out the photo in her hands, “Who is this Mamma?”

She flipped the photo and showed her father’s writing, “And isn’t this daddy’s handwriting”

Jenny felt a shiver run through her veins, her hands were suddenly chill and she could hardly speak. She stammered as Sarah interrogated.

“Please Mom, I need an answer. It’s killing me and just few moments ago I thought that this loss was worse for you than me.” Tears dropped her eyes and her cheeks were red.

“But I don’t feel the same anymore. Did you kill my dad?” Sarah was unstoppable, and her words pierced Jenny as though a sharp dagger was being pushed fiercely in her heart.

“Sarah, what are you talking, my child? How could I ever kill the man who loved me so much?”

“Yes mom, he was the man who loved you. Even now you didn’t accept it that you ever loved him.” Sarah examined.

“Sarah let me explain, please give me a chance”, Jenny begged.

“Are you going to explain to me how you cheated on my Dad?” Sarah began.

“I never cheated on your father, Sarah. I never could. He was a good man. He loved me very dearly and he wanted to see the same love in my eyes. I tried hard to love him. But love cannot be forced my child.” She looked into Sarah’s eyes in pain. And slowly Sarah could see her pain reduce as she continued to speak.

“It’s true that I married your father out of my own will but I was compelled to do so. I didn’t have a choice.” Sarah was no longer convinced with her mother’s explanation. “Mom, get to the point, what are you trying to explain?”

“I was a darling to my dad, just like you. Each time I saw Rajeev and you together I would feel the same warmth that I shared with my father. With due respect for him I never did anything against him and agreed to marry Rajeev even though I loved someone else.”

“You could have explained your father, mom.” Sarah retaliated.

“No I couldn’t. I did tell him about Karan.” She sat on the chair next to her as she began to speak about Karan and Sarah could say nothing but just listen to her.

“Karan and I studied in the same college. He was not of our religion or caste, but he was the man I loved”

Sarah cut her short and said, “And the man you still love, isn’t it ?”

Jenny turned towards her, ignoring her statement she went on, “When dad learned about our relationship he called me and spoke to me. He said he would never agree to it. I had decided to convince him, but destiny had other plans. Daddy was diagnosed with lung cancer and he was counting his days. His last wish was to see me happily married. And I have never regretted on marrying Rajeev. What I have regretted was that I could never love him completely”

“Your father encouraged me to write a book and I wrote about Karan and me. I never knew that my dream of writing a book would make me lose my husband. Rajeev read the book and connected it with the photo that he found among my clothes. He confronted me about Karan but he couldn’t accept the fact that I had lived a life of lie with him”

“I am sorry, Sarah”, she held her daughter’s hand pleading her for forgiveness. Sarah caressed her mother’s hands and cried in grief.

In a minute, she pulled her hands away from her mother and walked out of the room.

Jenny was again left alone, but she felt light after revealing the huge burden that she had carried for all these years.

The next morning, Jenny walked into Sarah’s room with breakfast. She found the door open and the room empty. She searched for Sarah throughout her room but couldn’t find her. However, she found a letter addressed to her in Sarah’s handwriting.

“Mom, I am sorry to leave you alone, when you really need me a lot !! But each time with you would remind me of Dad. I just need sometime for myself”

A month passed and there was no news from Sarah. Jenny had tried meeting all ends to search for her, but it was all in vain. However, she was not the only person who was doing this.

Mr. Sharma was Rajeev’s best friend and companion was also dying to meet Sarah. It so happened that a few days later he met Sarah in a supermarket.

“Sarah, Where have you been? Everyone is searching for you.” He asked compassionately.

Before Sarah could reply, he picked out a letter from his bag and handed it over to her. Sarah opened it inquisitively and impatiently as it was her father’s letter

“Dear Sarah,          I know that you are very angry on me and that you miss me. I am sorry to have left you. Please do not hurt your mother by questioning her. I walked out of her life just so that she lives her life with the man she loves. She would never have been able to do so if I was alive and away from her. She is a very nice woman, please accept her the way she is.



Sarah, walked out of the supermarket in despise. She loathed her for leaving her but her love over shadowed it. She was not in a state to confront her mother again. She needed time to get accustomed to the fact that her father was no more.

It had been two months and there was no news about Sarah. Jenny’s life was filled with emptiness. She prayed each day in forgiveness.

And one day her prayers seemed to be answered. It was a bright Monday morning and Jenny had finished her morning prayers. She was about to enter her bathroom when her phone rang.

“Mamma, Sarah here”, It was jenny on line.

“Sarah, Please come back home.....”, Jenny begged.

“I will but before that please come to the central mall by 5.00 PM.” She hung up as soon as she said this.

Jenny waited impatiently for the evening to dawn. She was going to see her daughter. She was going to say a sorry and bring her home.

Central mall was filled with visitors and Jenny had reached by 4.45 PM. She sat on a table close to the porch. Her eyes searched for her baby, her daughter. As the clock ticked 5.00 PM, she heard someone pat her back.

“Jenny…..”, she turned in surprise as the voice sounded familiar.

There in front of her stood a man who was tall and well-built with a French beard to cover his age and make him look younger. He smiled as he said, “Jenny, my love how are you?”

“Karan……”Jenny’s eyes were filled with tears and surprise.

Karan held out a letter addressed to Jenny.

“Dear Mom,
I know it is difficult for you to accept this. But this is where you always should have been and this was the man with whom you should have taken the vows.
Please do not cry mom as dad also wanted this. He love you .
Mom, no matter what, I still love you.

Sunday, May 19, 2013

Mom, I still love you !! - Part 1

Sarah sat on the rocking chair kept in her father's bedroom staring at the huge portrait of her father and mother. Rajeev Kurien stood in a black suit and Jenny Kurien sat on a chair beside him. There was a slight smile on Jenny's face and Rajeev's face was lit up as the portrait was made on their wedding day.

"You both were made for each other.....", She went near the portrait and brushed her hand across it. Her face portrayed a myriad of expressions, a million of unanswered questions.

The portrait was just a few meters away from the chair. There were numerous times she sat on the floor near the rocking chair and lay her head on her dad's knees. Rajeev would caress his daughter's head as he would listen to whatever she spoke.

 There was not a single topic that they wouldn't talk about and he always was her first best friend.

"Dad, you think I should become a journalist. My friend's keep pushing me to this."

"Rehaan is such a rude boy Dad, he just does not know how to behave with girls."

She could hear her dad's voice everywhere in the room in the form of echoes. Today the room was void. There was a silence which scared her. The silence that was killing her deep within. It crushed her soul and pierced her heart. The man who had held her hand and taught her to face the world, to be strong and fight had given it all up so meekly.

22nd of April, 9.30 PM, she was busy reading a novel that her dad had gifted her a few days back. The lamp near her bed started flickering."I had just got this lamp repaired, I do not know what the problem is", She was annoyed. She leaned forward to set it right.

She was lost in her book and flipped through the pages as she finished with each page.  The house was void and even a small noise could be heard distinctly.

"Sarah....................." She was startled to hear a scream.
She kept her book aside and waited to confirm.

"Sarah......." It was Jenny and Sarah was sure of it. She dropped her book and her hand hit the lamp. It fell making noise,(Shrack....... kitr... khit.....) ...............least bothered about it she ran to her mother's rescue.

The biggest shock of her life awaited her. Rajeev lay motionless in a pool of blood. Beside him lay the knife with blood stains. His pulse was cut and blood was oozing.

Her mom stood next to him holding a letter which was wet with her tears.

 "Jenny, No matter what, I will always love you !!! Forgive me !!"

Minutes later the ambulance arrived and he was declared dead. 

It had been two days since her father had left her and Sarah had not left the room where her dad had spent many years of his life. The walls of the room spoke of him, of the love he shared with his family. 

She sat back to recollect her moments with her dad and it suddenly struck her that he wasn't fine for almost a week before his death, she had found him gloomy. He had stopped eating properly and was trying to steal his eyes away from her. 

"Nothing, my doll, I am totally fine."He had responded to her when she had enquired.

"Mom is something wrong between you and Dad", She tried questioning Jenny who was also dull. 

They were the perfect couple. Rajeev would cuddle Jenny every now and then and Jenny would silently blush. There was a love that was always shown in their eyes which Sarah had seen. 

He had encouraged Jenny to write after reading a few of her transcripts and Jenny's first book titled, "The unforgettable moments"was published just a month back. Jenny had instantly become famous and Rajeev had always stood by her.

The more she thought about her father's mysterious death, the more did she want to confront her mother about the last letter. 

She knew there was some connection between the two. She walked to the portrait and hugged it and cried aloud. "Dad, I miss you, Didn't you think of me once before you decided to end it all."

Tears rolled down her kohl lined eyes. She felt the wetness in her face, "You  are not here to wipe my tears, Dad. Whom do I run to when i need you? Answer me, Dad.... Please don't stand motionless", She grieved pleading him to come back and hold her, tell her that all this was not true. 

Her throat ached and she needed to gulp some water. While passing through her father's cupboard, she found it ajar. The door of the cupboard screeched as she opened it. There in front of her eyes lay a photograph of Jenny. It was a very old photograph taken in the snow in the Himalayas. 

"Maybe this is a photo when mom was in college, but....", she held the photo close as she could see something more. " ..........who is the guy next to her?" She wiped the drops left on her cheek and flipped the photo. 

There in her father's handwriting she read something that was going to solve the entire riddle.

"I waited for 26 years to find the love in your eyes which is so visible in this photograph"

Her eyes wide open she walked in haste to confront her mother.......

To be continued......


Monday, May 13, 2013

Lost and Found !!!!

On that enchanting evening,
When the night was sailing,

To make its way enjoying,

To take away the light and scaring.

Drops of waves soothed my hand,

As I sat, a thousand thoughts graving my mind,

Longing to be touched and embraced,

After all that’s been taken away.

Lone with the burdens,

Shackled and tormented,

Grieved and derided,

Misery my friend and peace my foe.

Tossed a bottle of gin,

Which with much difficulty,

Had tried to accompany,

But unable to smear the dainty worry.

A sudden touch gripped me,

Astounded and bewildered I turned,

To watch and perceive,

She sat beside me and laid me on her lap,

Solace and Silence she appeased me.

No place on this earth,

No touch could replace,

No warmth could inebriate,

It was my mother so meek and humble,

So angelic and blissful.

She held my hand and walked along,

Embraced me and held me close,

And in an instant chased me fears,

O ‘ mother thou art my angel,

Thou art my refuge when the day’s gone.


A small tribute to every mother who makes our life so wonderful. Happy mother’s day !!!