The other day I happened to watch the second part of the famous Hollywood movie that was based on an even more famous television series called "Sex and the City". The trouble-prone foursome go on a trip to the Middle East to witness some life-changing incidents. The movie ends with a quote by Carrie about Marriage which goes like this, "You have to take the tradition and decorate it, 'your way' ". This got me thinking. And I sprang up with this write-up.
Marriage is indeed a tradition, an age old one that no one can escape of. You can choose to stay away from it but, it has to be at the cost of living a lonely life. You can choose to postpone it till you find the right person, but am sure no one can avoid it. Relationships are difficult. There is nothing straight in it. No straight road that can be taken to make it easy. The moment we land up making things right in a difficult relationship is when we think the time is right to get married.
Around a year ago, I was agitated and like troubled teens I was troubled in my twenties, fighting hard to avoid the taunts from parents and relatives on marriage. My argument would be that of freedom and space. My parents thought that I was smitten by ghettoisation. I tried hard to explain them that I wanted things differently from life. I wanted to pave a path that I never wanted to regret about. Maybe I had stopped believing in relationships and thought the happily-ever-after phrase sadly existed only in books and fairytales. My parents who had spent 26 years of their life together obviously found it difficult to understand my point of view. I didn't blame them as for me their's was a perfect marriage.
When Mr. A(my husband), visited me for the very first time, I was agitated with the whole marriage rigmarole. I thought I needed time to figure out things related to my job, my expectations from life and above all figuring out myself. All of which turned baseless when I fell for him sometime later. There comes a moment of divine and supernatural revelation when everything seems like a bliss and on one such flimsy moment you give away to all those presumptions and say a yes to marriage. Because, you know that it is this person and no one else with whom you can ever be sure about marriage.
It seems like a fairy tale till you put on the angelic white-dress, walk with your beautiful bridesmaids, get the church decorated, exchange rings and go on a honeymoon. What happens later comes in the sequel to a perfect love story, which generally becomes a flop and unsellable.
To make is sellable and buyable, you need to make it work. You need to put in that much of an effort and time, so much so, that you can land up getting your back on fire. You may crib, you may complain, you may wanna pull each others hair and you may wanna run away and spend time in the quietest place on earth. Acceptable and anticipated. There may be differences of opinion. There will always be a stage where nothing would seem right and everything would fall apart.
But if you once felt so sure about this person, then you will get back, you will work it out, you will sort it out and you will build your own rules. Not because you have been bound in "an unavoidable tradition" but because, you know what love is, you know what togetherness is, you know what sacrifice is, you know what peace is and you very well know how to "decorate it in your own way".
The only way out of this confusing saga of marriage is having the heart to understand the person of the opposite sex and never giving up. You have to try till the slanting line becomes perfectly straight. Sometimes, it may never be straight but at least the curves would remind you of all the efforts you took.
For those who are struggling through this tradition, give time, spend your entire strength on your marriage, define your rules, give space to the other person, don't let him or her feel that he was better off being single, be silent when you need to be and stand by him/her when you are all that they have. For those who are like the a-year-back version of me, don't worry, marriage is not like gambling where everything is based on luck, marriage will come by your way in its own sweet time and you will definitely get a chance to "decorate it your way"